It’s More Than an Exercise in Talking. Why the Pursuit of Unanimous Beliefs Can Harm Us All, How Therapy Works: The Importance of Skill Building, 5 Things Your Therapist Wants You to Know, Wounded Healer: Rollo May's Psycho-Spiritual Odyssey, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Can Mask Wearing Be a Clue to Someone’s Dishonesty? It’s most likely to be successful when both partners are … Object Play and High Protein Food Reduce Predation by Cats, Neurodiversity and the Ecology of Thought, More Evidence That Oxytocin Isn’t a Universal “Love Hormone”, Schedule a Therapy Session or Learn More at www.TashaSeiterTherapy.com, How Does Change Happen in Therapy? You act out your reactive secondary emotions with protective responses such as withdrawing from the conversation (in an attempt to shield the relationship and the self from the pain of experiencing conflict) or pursuing your partner to change their behavior or give you answers (in an attempt to get a response from your partner and thus confirm that you and your relationship matter to your partner). They want to know if it will do any good to talk about their fights and feelings. This powerful force, called love, is the most important thing in this life. Marriage/couples counseling can help you work through conflicts and strengthen your bond. Couples Therapy Inc. is a team of over two dozen clinicians practicing in thirty US states and four countries. CBT teaches a person how to slow down […] The problem is, you know what good communication looks like in the first place! This powerful force, called love, is the most important thing in this life. Such relationship cycles happen because we are hard-wired to seek connection with others. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 53(2), 175. Bottom Line Those are just but some of the most effective couples therapy techniques. When we first start couples therapy, my clients are often skeptical. Couples Should Have Realistic Expectations Couples that identify realistic goals in therapy are more likely make progress. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 53(2), 175. Helping couples reconnect and reduce conflict that creates distance in their relationship with the most effective couples therapy approach...Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). For more on EFT, I recommend Sue Johnson's book, Hold Me Tight. “Does couples therapy work?”. Unfortunately, these protective responses often trigger further fear, hurt, or sadness in your partner, which become reactive secondary emotions and protective responses, which again trigger your primary emotions ... and thus the cycle repeats itself over and over again. EFT therapists help couples assess and strengthentheir emotional responses, interactions, and bonds. This is what EFT is all about. For example, If your partner criticizes you, you might miss your own emotional hurt from feeling not good enough in your partner's eyes (primary emotion), only noticing your own irritation or a sense of going cold toward your partner (reactive secondary emotions). A new theory aims to make sense of it all. Johnson, S., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. & Schindler, D. (1999). A new theory aims to make sense of it all. Narrative Therapy. Therapy Techniques for Effective Couples Counseling One of the greatest challenges many therapists cite as a hurdle in working with couples is the thought that marriage counseling has to ‘blow up.’ We all know couples therapy is one of the more challenging types of therapy to provide. Gottman Method Couples Therapy has the benefit of three decades of research and practice in clinical settings with more than three thousand couples. Changes the views of the relationship. This coping response can happen so quickly and unconsciously that you may not even be aware of the primary emotion underneath. In nourishing a relationship in this way, you will build a secure base that can bring comfort and joy into your life and provide the strength to face life challenges. Ninety percent (90%) of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship and 70-75% of couples no longer fit criteria for relationship distress following treatment (according to a metanalysis). Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is one of the most effective means of reducing marital distress, according to the Chicago Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy 1. Couples often find themselves stuck in repetitive patterns that leave them feeling misunderstood and alone.